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Apocalypse not now

Despite what the Mayans say, we have it on good authority that the world will not end on December 21.

Our authority is my newest brother-in law Keith and his birthday is December 22.

Apocalypse not now. At least not until Keith gets a slice of birthday sweet potato pie.

Shifting Teutonic plates notwithstanding, we believe the earth is good for a few more years. We have experience deflecting this type of pessimism. The warranty ran out on our furnace nearly 16 years ago and it’s still chugging merrily along.

It’s not like the Mayans are the only civilization to run out of calendar. I’m not afraid to admit that it’s happened to me a once or twice as well. You miss a January appointment or two, pick up the free Sierra Club calendar in the back of church and boom! You’re back in business.

Much like Sweetest Day, the “Ninth Wave of the Cosmic Convergence” likely sprang from the foam of an enterprising event planner’s imagination, a meme conjured up to sell cupcakes, greeting cards and those suspicious cookies that have been secretly coded with the Mayan calendar since 1912, Oreos.

We’re not saying you shouldn’t hunker down with the cockroaches Friday night and attempt to ride it out. We’re just saying you might feel pretty foolish when you wake up Saturday morning all stiff and cranky with fuzzy teeth because toothpaste is the last thing you thought you’d need on the last night of the world.

Our advice?

Party.

In fact, Molly is attending an end of the world party Friday during which celebrants will be feasting on a T.A.R.D.I.S. cake, both a tasty treat and a Dr. Who recommended escape plan… just in case.

Here's the birthday boy with me a Christmas or two ago. He doesn't think anyone an make a sweet potato pie as good as his mother's. Molly and I have never baked a sweet potato pie before but we'll take that challenge. Stayed tuned and we would appreciate any tips.

Here’s the birthday boy with me a Christmas or two ago. He doesn’t think anyone can make a sweet potato pie as good as his mother’s. Molly and I have never baked a sweet potato pie before but we’ll take that challenge. Stayed tuned and we would appreciate any tips (especially from those of you south of the Mason-Dixon line.)

As many a Facebook poster has pointed out, you could celebrate the end of the Mayan calendar...

As many a Facebook poster has pointed out, you could fear the end of the Mayan calendar…

...or the 100th anniversary of the Oreo Cookie. We're going with the cookie, maybe even the double-stuff

…or  celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Oreo Cookie. We’re going with the cookie. 

 

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Posted on December 19, 2012, in Family, Family Stories, humor and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. The predicted world’s end on 21 December is irrational scare-mongering nonsense – but the ‘Millennium Bug’ was not. There’s a difference, and it’s important to the human race that we understand what it is. See my latest blog: ‘Mayan Catastrophe versus Millennium Bug’:

    http://jondanzig.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/mayan-catastrophe-versus-millennium-bug.html

    Short link: goo.gl/nok1y

  2. Mmmm, sweet tater pie! I did grow up in the South, but my dad professed a hatred for sweet potatoes. He never even knew the one year mom couldn’t buy a pumpkin pie and got the evil spud instead! Happy Birthday to Keith, and I know you’ll make the pie just fine!
    The Oreo thing is a little scary… 🙂

  3. It would’ve been nice of the Mayans to have at least a few survivors from their civilization available to answer questions about this prediction. I’m tempted to fire up the time machine, go back, and grab a few of them to deal with the press…

  4. I’m pretty sure that there are still Mayans in Guatemala and I’m equally sure that they’re unimpressed with all of this talk of an end of the world.
    P.S. Is it part of some weird space-time continuum that you posted a comment on our blog at the exact same time we posted a comment on yours?

  5. hownottokillyourparents

    I should probably be commenting about the whole end of the world thing with everyone else, but I cannot get over the fact that your furnace is still going 16 yrs after warranty. That is SO RAD.

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